Jens2Cents

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Posted on: 08/14/2014

I have a few posts sitting in the draft stage waiting for me to finish them up & hit publish, but I’ve been pretty down this week & have lost the motivation I had early in the month. Today is the one year anniversary of my grandmother’s passing. I was already feeling low approaching this date and news of the loss of Robin Williams, one of my favorite actors, has left me even lower. I’m usually not wrapped up in celebrities, but my postpartum depression, prior history of suicide attempts & loss of several loved ones in a similar manner has left me in an odd state.

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A family picture a few days before she passed

Right now, I really just want to mourn my grandmother a bit, not get wrapped up in morbid thoughts. I miss her a lot! Her body was ailing for a long time & she fought hard to stay with us much longer than we expected. My youngest daughter is lucky to have her as a middle namesake. Tonight, I’m squeezing my kids a bit more & being grateful that I’m still here. What ails me has not yet killed me and I plan to keep fighting against it. My grandma would be proud.

Remembering Grandma

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2 Responses to "Remembering Grandma"

Yes she would. I also have been struggling with the grief. There were so many things I wanted to take her to do, and I never got the chance. Mostly I just wanted her to know that I loved her and wanted to keep her safe and happy. I get suddenly choked up riding home on the motorcycle when I pass the cotton fields, remembering her telling me stories of her childhood and the cotton picking time. I generally choose a “granny” at work from my assignment…and she gets to be my “mom for a day”, and I shower a little extra attention and attentiveness toward that one. This week it has been a little granny who has some mild dementia that reminds me of mom, she only has her son who has been there pretty much 24-7 for the last 4 years after her husband died. He is juggling trying to work, run his house and her house with no help (no other family nearby). She was doing really good yesterday when I left, looks like she will pull through one more time. I guess I always thought mom would pull through one more time, but we never know the number of our days. I am so glad she had the opportunity to see all her family one last time. She truly loved you very much. You were the first grand-daughter and I think she saw in you many of her attributes. You were her mini-me in ways that I (her daughter) never was. She was always thrilled to hear me tell her about you and the babies. She was so proud of you.

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I’ve kicked myself a few times for never getting around to printing pictures for her 😦 I’m glad she got to see them in person though & very thankful to you for that! How sweet to adopt a granny ❤ Once Biscuit is a bit more manageable, I think we'll look into visiting nursing homes!

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